Published by Slash
Title: The 5 Best Places not to Argue
by Slash Coleman
1/7/05 - Whole News Magazine
For one full year before my divorce, each and every Friday evening, my wife at the time
and I abstained from the usual night-out couple fare and opted for two cozy chairs and
guidance in a marriage counselors office. As our relationship limped through gridlock, we
requested to forgo typical relationship saving advice for something much more important -
Battle Secrets! Sympathetic to our brainless determination to throw in the towel, our
therapist, besides teaching us how to send our relationship to the relationship graveyard
gracefully, taught us The 5 Best Places Not to Argue which probably did more to save our
dignity than anything else.

While I learned these lessons too late to save my own marriage, I’ve carried them into
subsequent relationships with great success.  As a rule of thumb, suggest the new ground
rules to your partner during neutral time - not before, during or after an argument. Also,
while you’ll likely find your partner quite agreeable to the system, you’ll both probably be
tempted to break the rules when things heat up. When you’re lured into an area that is off
limits say, “I’m not going to talk about this now,” suggest another time for the discussion, and
leave the room.

1) Don’t Argue During Meals
Arguing is full of carbs, makes for bad food combining, and besides, nowhere on the South
Beach diet does it read, “Stir in ¼ teaspoon of cross table wrangling.” Don’t sell yourself
short when it comes to the effects of a peaceful meal. Besides, how on earth will you ever
win that fight if don’t nourish yourself?
Solution: Even innocent conversation can turn a nasty corner during a meal. If you
anticipate a topic becoming a potential hazard, recommend that you save it until the
dishes are done.

2) Don’t Argue While Driving
Face it, you’ve got enough to worry about between eating your Kripsy Kreme and checking
the caller id on your cell phone.  Does it really make sense to have that discussion about
how much money you don’t have to spend on that thing you don’t really need? Hey did you
notice you were going 53 in a 35?
Solution: If it really can’t wait, pull into a rest stop or a parking lot, turn the car off and stay
off the road until you’re done.

3) Don’t Argue Upon Entering the House
Every time Pavlov fed his dog he rang a bell and his old pooch began to salivate in
anticipation. After a while, when his dog heard the bell, he thought a Happy Meal was on
the way. Fighting with your partner when you first enter the house is a good way to train
yourself in a bad way to stay away. Eventually, you’ll pull into the driveway and feeling your
body getting all pumped up for another fight, you’ll opt to sit in the driveway all night and
listen to Garrison Keeler whine about ketchup and breathe loudly through his nose.
Solution: Whatever’s on your mind can wait. Say “Hello”, get a glass of milk, give your
partner a hug, and then if you need to, ring the bell for round three.


4) Don’t Argue in the Bathroom
How can you expect to find that missing relationship secret in this month’s issue of “Popular
Mechanics” if you can’t concentrate during your sit down? It’s sad but true; you collect
enough stress from work, money and family. Don’t let the compost build up on your
relationship too.
Solution: Lock the door, turn the water on, and enjoy your downtime. If your partner insists
on talking through the door, utilize that selective hearing you’ve been practicing.

5) Don’t Argue While Leaving the House
Believe me, having your wife chase you to the bus stop and throw her wedding ring at you
is….well, besides adding extra hours to your therapy bills, lets just say it’s not part of the
equation for an enjoyable day. Would you ever forgive yourself if, God forbid, the last words
you said to your spouse were during round four of your last fight?
Solution: Muster up the will to shut up and make your goodbye sacred and loving, even if
you don’t mean it. If all you can summon up is “Good bye, I love you, you SOB”, at least
you’ve said something mildly optimistic instead of something negative you might have to
live with for the rest of your life.
Books
Is My Chakra Pretty?
An Artists's Therapeutic
Journey through the
Chakras (About Vision
2004) explains in a fun
and easy-to-understand
language the fascinating but
sometimes confusing world of
chakra energy.
© Slash Coleman 2006